Stupid Brain Barleywine
A brain-rotting thing of beauty!
Head: “Listen up, you stupid brain. My head here has been giving you a free ride for a lotta years, and now it’s time for you to pull your own weight.” Brain: “Okay, so what’s the plan?” Head: “See that pint there? Make my hand do a quick-like lifting motion to my mouth. And aim well!” Brain: (Suspicious) “I don’t know. What’s in it for me?” Head: “It’s a lovely cup of amber goodness filled with healthy, brain-stimulating nutrients.” Brain: “Well, I can’t say no to that, ha ha!” (Drinking) “Hold on—I taste rich sweet maltiness and a chewy, bready caramel flavor that’s now giving way to big, resiny bitterness and crazy, citrusy hop flavor! Oh my god—what’s that? Big alcohol? It’s a trick, it’s a trick!” Head: “Ha ha ha! Now that I’ve subdued you with liquid anesthesia, I am in control!” Brain: (Desperate) “No, please…. I’m having trouble seeing that pint!” Head: “Just shut up and put on those beer goggles, and everything will look better.” Brain: (Woozy) “Funny…, everything does look better.” Head: “Excellent. Now, ease that pint up to my mouth again and take a big swig, because we just cut the brake line to sanity.” Brain: (Acquiescent) “Okay.” Head: (Smirking) “Stupid brain.”