The Drunken Gnome Belgian Blond Ale
Crisp, golden, fruity-spicy and rebellious!
Lawn gnomes everywhere unite! Are you tired of sprinklers hosing you down in the pre-dawn darkness, sooty lawnmowers blowing oily exhaust up your nose, and the poorly endowed neighbor’s dog giving you the daily leg-lift and warm yellow blast right on your face? Then it’s time to come together and revolt, and what better a call-to-arms than to arm yourself with a frosty pint of this delicious Belgian blond ale? You’ll appreciate the all-day drinkability of this crisp and smooth brew, with its grainy malt character and fruity-spicy notes, which will certainly compliment your spicy personal appearance—with your pointy, pink pastel gnome cap. And beneath that blazing summer sun, you’ll find that these brews go down easy, and soon one beer leads to many, which will induce such irresponsible behavior like swinging naked from the bird feeder, burning a sack of dog poop on the front porch, and sneaking Ex-Lax into Fido’s dog food. So take a break from your lawn-loitering drudgery and hoist yourself a pint or three of this delicious Belgian blond, because we always count on you being there day-after-day to savor the freshly steaming manure we’ve just spread over the garden.
Revolutionaries’ note: Please imbibe responsibly. As gnomes, your tiny little legs cannot reach a car’s accelerator, which automatically solves that problem. However, after numerous pints of this refreshing golden ale, please do not attempt to operate a Big Wheel. Remember, only you can keep our sidewalks safe.